JOKE TO ENLIGHTEN SOMEONE.

Why was Harry Potter kicked out of Hogwarts?

He was caught playing with his broomstick.

How did Captain Hook die?

He wiped his bum with the wrong hand!!

What do you call the space between Pamela Anderson's breasts?

Silicon Valley.

A farmer walks out on his field and sees something outrageous: a cow with a halo over her head, a cat on the cow's back, and a rabbit on the cat's back.

"HOLY COW!" he exclaims, "I've never seen a hare on that pussy!"

Q: What did the farmer use to make crop circles?

A: A Protractor

Q: What did the baby digital watch say to the mommy analog watch?

A: "Look Ma, no hands!"

Mr. Smith's wife has been in a coma for four months. The nurses have come to realise that she moves every time they wash her crotch area. The doctors think hard about this. They bring in Mr. Smith and say that they have a good idea. Perhaps if he practices oral sex with her she will wake out of the coma. Mr. Smith would do anything so he asks for some privacy. He soon rushes out saying, ''I think she's choking!"

One day a group of husbands and wives went to a scientific program. The doctor there was showing them brains from real peopleand telling how expensive it would be to buy one. He said it was five million dollars for a female brain and ten million dollars for a male brain. The men snickered, thinking they knew why. One of the women said, ''Well, why is that, sir?'' The doctor answered, "The men's brains cost more, for they have never been used."

Q: Why did Santa have to have his balls removed?

A: Because he'd carried his sack over his shoulders one too many times.

A nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks her to hear a confession. 
"Today Father Goodwin told me I had the gates of Heaven between my legs, and that he had the Key to Heaven. Then opened my gates with his key." 
"That bastard!" says Mother Superior. "He told me it was Gabriel's trumpet, and I've been blowing it."

What kind of grades did the pirate get in school?

HIGH SEAS!

How do pirates know that they are pirates?

They think, therefore they ARRRR!!!!!

Fencing Epee Info....

http://faculty.fmcc.suny.edu/mcdarby/pages/fencing_club/Epee-Repair.htm

GAVE EVERYTHING IN YOU TO ACHIEVE THE HIGHEST OR LOSS EVERYTHING TO THE LOWEST.

8 Texting Mistakes Men Make

A friend of mine recently went out with a guy, Sam. They had a good time, smooched a little, and went their separate ways for the night. So, the seed was planted for a second date at the very least.

But Sam's mistakes turned a promising situation into a bad one very quickly. You can find a list of his infractions below. Let me know which one (or more) is a deal breaker for you: 

1. General Psycho Behavior

Allison woke up Sunday morning to a 7:30 "Good Morning Beautiful" text. Unless he was up at 5AM, it looked like Sam immediately texted Allison as soon as he woke up. That's a bit over-eager.

2. Seizing Poetic License on Pet Names

In the first text after the kiss night, it's a little strange to be dropping nicknames, even if it's something as general as "beautiful". It pushes things beyond casual way too fast.

3. Text Novels

Sam's texts shattered character limits. Allison would routinely receive 3-5 long texts in a row, all connected ramblings.

4. Over-Aggressive Texting

Sam wasn't keen on giving Allison much time to answer his texts before he was on the attack again.

5. Forcing a Date

Early on in his text assault, Sam asked Allison to get together during the upcoming week. But Allison said she was busy at work and offered to set something up for the next week. Instead of respecting her wishes, Sam fired back with "Well, I was really hoping to see you before the weekend."

6. Making A Woman Feel Wrong For How She Feels

It didn't take long for Sam's intense texting to turn Allison off. She politely explained that he was coming on a little strong but wanted to remain friends. Instead of accepting Allison's words, Sam argued that he wasn't a game player (implying that Allison was interested in games).

7. Inadvertent Insults

After accusing Allison of being a game-player, Sam went on to explain that he was a "grown man interested in a deep committed relationship." He instructed her to let him know if she was ever interested in the same. Allison came away from this exchange feeling like he called her a whore.

8. Hubris and Glibness

After the ordeal was over and Sam finally accepted he lost his grip on a chance at another date (and reality), he finished it off by texting that he "never had this happen before." What a stud he must be. Judging by his behavior, it was pretty easy for Allison to glean that he has probably been through this quite often.

So there you have it: eight infractions inside of a couple days of texting. Which of these do you think is the worst, and at what point would you be fed up? I explained to Allison that she should have been freaked out by the 7:30AM text, but hindsight is 20/20. So what are your thoughts? What is the worst text or texting infraction you've received from a guy?

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surviving high school Quiz!!!

1. Quiz Answers (Football Season)

English
1. Shakespeare wrote in.... -------> Iambic pentameter.
2. Which of these is a book by John Steinbeck? -----> The Grapes of Wrath
3. The Scarlet Letter was the letter.... ------> A
4. What is Shakespeare's "The Taming of the Shrew" classified as? -----> A
comedy.
5. Who wrote The Great Gatsby? -----> F. Scott Fitzgerald.
6. What does Pride and Prejudice end with? ------> A marriage proposal.
7. Who was one of the original three musketeers? ----> Aramis.
8. What is Odysseus trying to do in the Odyssey? ----> Return to Ithaca.
9. What is Jane Eyre's occupation? ----> Governess.
10. Which of these is a synonym of the word "ephemeral"? -----> Transient
11. What are the names of the two main characters in Of Mice and Men? ----->
George and Lennie.
12. Which of these is a character in The Canterbury Tales? ---> The Knight.
13. What pen name did Emily Bronte write under? -----> Ellis Bell.
14. Who is the main character in 1984? ------> Winston Smith.
15. In "Wuthering Heights," where do the Earnshaws live?
----> Wuthering Heights.

Math
1. 60-17 -----> 43
2. 10+11+12 ------> 33
3. 96/3 -------> 32
4. 1+2+3+4 -----> 10
5. Which of these was a famous mathematician? ----> Blaise Pascal.
6. 12x13 ------> 156
7. 4x4x4 -----> 64
8. 99+98+97 ------> 294
9. 111 + 167 ------> 278
10. If A =4B and A =20, what is B? -----> 5
11. 50x 50 -----> 2,500
12. The sum of the interior angles of a trapezoid is... -----> 360 degrees.
13. Roughly how many centimeters are in an inch? ----> 2.54
14. 3x3x3 -------> 27
15. What comes next: 2, 4, 8, 16... ---> 32.

History
1. What is the title of Luo Guanzhong's 14th-century historical novel about
China? -----> Romance of the Three Kingdoms.
2. The Russian city of St. Petersburg was at one time called... ---> Leningrad
3. Who led the Greek city-states in the Battle of Thermopylae? ----> Sparta.
4. Which of the following was an American Civil War battle? ----> Antietam.
5. The world's first artificial Earth-orbiting satellite was called... ---->
Sputnik.
6. Which of these cities was founded by Peter the Great? -----> St. Petersburg
7. Brown v.s The Board of Education was about... -----> Segregation.
8. A famous Indian leader was ________ Ghandi. -----> Mahatma.
9 Complete the phrase: Life, liberty, and _________ ------> The pursuit of
happiness.
10. Which of the following men assassinated an American president? ------>
John Wilkes Boothe.
11. When was the Battle of the Bulge fought? -----> World War II.
12. Which of these was the last dynasty of China? ---> Qing.
13. Maximilien Robespierre was an influential figure in ---> The French
Revolution.
14. A movement to end women's suffrage would be to abolish women's ---> right to vote
15. The mason dixon line was commonly seen to separate? ---> The Northern And Southern Part Of United States


Biology
1. How many chromosomes does a normal human being have? -----> 46.
2. Mitosis is a process where.... ------> One cell splits in two.
3. An environmental area inhabited by a particular organism is its...
-> Habitat.
4. How many stomachs does a cow have? -----> 4.
5. In human beings, the largest organ is the... -----> Skin.
6. Which order do humans belong to? -----> Primates.
7. Which of the following is a mollusk? A clam.
8. Anemia is a disorder of the ....Blood.
9. Genetically speaking, blue eyes are .... Recessive.
10. Which of the following is a blood type? O
11. Ninety-five percent of the animals on Earth are....Invertebrates.
12. Which of these creatures has radial symmetry? ---> A jellyfish.
13. Which creature is commonly associated with malaria? ---> The mosquito.
14. The Galapagos islands are famous for their contribution to. --->
Evolutionary Theory.
15. Ornithology is... ---> The study of birds.

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