Why was Harry Potter kicked out of Hogwarts?
He was caught playing with his broomstick.
How did Captain Hook die?
He wiped his bum with the wrong hand!!
What do you call the space between Pamela Anderson's breasts?
Silicon Valley.
A farmer walks out on his field and sees something outrageous: a cow with a halo over her head, a cat on the cow's back, and a rabbit on the cat's back.
"HOLY COW!" he exclaims, "I've never seen a hare on that pussy!"
"HOLY COW!" he exclaims, "I've never seen a hare on that pussy!"
Q: What did the farmer use to make crop circles?
A: A Protractor
Q: What did the baby digital watch say to the mommy analog watch?
A: "Look Ma, no hands!"
A: "Look Ma, no hands!"
Mr. Smith's wife has been in a coma for four months. The nurses have come to realise that she moves every time they wash her crotch area. The doctors think hard about this. They bring in Mr. Smith and say that they have a good idea. Perhaps if he practices oral sex with her she will wake out of the coma. Mr. Smith would do anything so he asks for some privacy. He soon rushes out saying, ''I think she's choking!"
One day a group of husbands and wives went to a scientific program. The doctor there was showing them brains from real peopleand telling how expensive it would be to buy one. He said it was five million dollars for a female brain and ten million dollars for a male brain. The men snickered, thinking they knew why. One of the women said, ''Well, why is that, sir?'' The doctor answered, "The men's brains cost more, for they have never been used."
Q: Why did Santa have to have his balls removed?
A: Because he'd carried his sack over his shoulders one too many times.
A: Because he'd carried his sack over his shoulders one too many times.
A nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks her to hear a confession.
"Today Father Goodwin told me I had the gates of Heaven between my legs, and that he had the Key to Heaven. Then opened my gates with his key."
"That bastard!" says Mother Superior. "He told me it was Gabriel's trumpet, and I've been blowing it."
"Today Father Goodwin told me I had the gates of Heaven between my legs, and that he had the Key to Heaven. Then opened my gates with his key."
"That bastard!" says Mother Superior. "He told me it was Gabriel's trumpet, and I've been blowing it."
What kind of grades did the pirate get in school?
HIGH SEAS!
How do pirates know that they are pirates?
They think, therefore they ARRRR!!!!!
